Travel Advice when Visiting Campo

If you are from the flat lands of San Diego, that's anywhere below 100 feet above sea level, and planning on visiting or moving to Campo, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

San Diego has sun-dried toe-mah-toes, Campo has 'mater samiches.

San Diego has coffee houses, Campo has the Circle K.

San Diego has dating services, Campo has family reunions.

San Diego has switchblade knives, Campo has 00 buckshot.

San Diego has an ambulance, Campo has an amalance.

San Diego had the El Cajon Speedway, Campo has Buckman Springs Road.

San Diego has Cream of Wheat, Campo has grits.

San Diego has green salads, Campo has collard greens.

San Diego has lobsters, Campo has crawdads.

San Diego has Telecom Valley, Campo has crank telephones.

If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find friendly people. They cant help themselves.

Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

You may hear a Camponian say "Ought!" to a dog or child. This is short for "Y'all ought not do that!" and is the equivalent of saying "Don't even think about it!"

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Campo expression to creep into a transplanted San Diegans vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most begin their Campo-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear someone exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local Circle K. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

When you come up on a person driving 15 mph down the middle of Highway 94, remember that most folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and that is the proper speed and position for that vehicle.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In Campo, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.


The color of the sky is always blue, it's not a sign of the beginning of Global Warming.

All those points of light in the night sky are stars, not a missile attack from China.

If a stranger approaches you and says "hello" they are just being friendly, not looking for money for "something to eat".